Well there it is. The belly. No doubt about it, I'm very pregnant. And I'm experiencing most of the "symptoms" that women complain about late in the third trimester. I get up at least 4 times a night to go pee. I can't see my toes when I stand up - I can barely manage to put on my tennis shoes and I've given up trying to tie them and just keep them tied loose enough to slip on and off. I'm hungry a lot, mostly because I can't eat very much in one sitting - there's just no room for food and baby. I've got my fair share of stretch marks, but I'm proud to say that I still have my innie (despite predictions that my belly button would pop like a turkey thermometer by month 7). I wouldn't say I'm overly anxious to have Button out, though I'm incredibly curious to know if we're having a boy or a girl and I really want to meet this little person that has been growing inside of me for so long.
The realization that this baby has to come out of me at some point hit me a few weeks ago and ever since then I've been reading books and preparing as best as I can for the coming event. Initially I was really freaked out about the whole thing. Fear of the unknown, mostly. How bad will the pain be? Will I be able to take it? What if something goes wrong? Then I started reading books on childbirth and studying up on both the Lamaze and Bradley methods of natural childbirth. We took a Lamaze class and toured the maternity wing of the hospital (all private rooms and the nurses seemed nice). So I got past the unknown part, but was rather overwhelmed by all my new knowledge. That was about a week ago. Since then I sat down a wrote out a birth plan, which really helped me to come to terms with how ideally, I would like the birth to go. I still don't know what labor is really going to be like and whether or not I'll be able to give birth without an epidural, but I know that I want to try to have as natural and unmedicated childbirth as possible and I think if the labor proceeds reasonably well that I will be able to do it. At the same time though, I'm not going to be disappointed with myself if it doesn't work out the way I hope it will.
I guess the thing that still bothers me though is this feeling that by wanting to have a natural and unmedicated birth that I'm not on the same page as my doctors. I really wish that I could say that my doctor and I are both going to work towards this goal together. But I don't. I mean I think my primary doctor and I agree on most points, but I haven't had that same assurance with the other doctors in my group and unfortunately there's no guarantee that my primary doctor will be the one to deliver the baby. In fact there's only a 1 in 4 chance that she will. So that has me a little stressed out. Especially since I feel like I've really done my research and have a well thought out birth plan that includes being flexible if the labor doesn't go as planned.
For example, I want to be able to drink water and eat some foods (not a steak mind you, but chicken broth and crackers doesn't seem unreasonable to me) during the labor if I'm hungry in order to keep hydrated and maintain my energy. Labor is after all an active and labor intensive process that can take a long time. At least one of the doctors in my group feels that once a woman enters active labor she shouldn't have anything but ice chips. This is an out-dated view of labor and research has shown that there is VERY little risk to the health of the mother or baby in allowing a woman to eat and drink during active labor. And it's not just that I'll have to be hungry and thirsty. But if I don't drink water I'll most likely have to have an IV to keep from becoming dehydrated and this will greatly inhibit my freedom of movement during the labor as well be just another thing keeping me from relaxing. Furthermore, if I don't eat during labor I'm more likely to become physically drained and exhausted which increases my chances of needing an epidural to make it through the labor. And having an epidural can also cause complications (slowing labor and often requiring more drugs like pitocin for example), which is why I want to avoid medication to begin with. I am very aware that the decisions that are made early in labor have a trickle down effect and I feel like I have to stand up for myself. But I really don't want to have to stand up for myself, I want to trust my doctor to look out for the best interest of both me and my baby and in doing so respect and work with me to achieve my goal of natural childbirth.
I still have yet to meet 2 of the other doctors in my new OB's group. My next two visits (I'm having weekly doctor visits now) are scheduled with them, so I should get a chance to meet with all of the doctors before Button arrives and go over my birth plan with them, so I'm hoping that I'll feel more comfortable about the whole thing after meeting with them. If I'm lucky maybe I'll be able to look at this as only a 1 in 4 chance that I'll end up with the doctor that I don't like as much. In the mean time, I'm trying to switch my focus from the childbirth to the fact that our precious little baby will soon be here to snuggle with and I won't really care how Button arrived and will be perfectly happy to hold our healthy new baby.
4 comments:
You're doing great and I know you will sail through this with flying colors. It's good that you wrote out a birth plan and that you understand that it may not go exactly as planned. ;D Keep in mind that the Drs are there to do what you want to do within set guidelines, I mean, you're not asking to be riding a unicycle and juggling during birth. If what you are asking isn't a danger to your or the baby and the Dr is not working with you, remind them what their place is, you are paying them for a service, simple enough.
In the end though, it will be great, I promise you. I keep meaning to call you, but things have just been chaotic (I know, they always are). :| I'm very excited for the two of you, you're going to do great, trust me.
I love the picture! And I can't wait to meet your baby.
I had my doctor appointment this morning with doctor #3 and when I mentioned to this doctor what the other doctor had said, he basically agreed with you Paul. He thought I should take what the nurses and doctors say as suggestion rather than the final word and encouraged me to stick up for what I wanted, especially when it came to the things that I had researched and felt strongly about. I feel a lot better after talking to him today.
sounds like you are ready! I'll be thinking of you. Labor is definitely hard work, you have the right mind set - it's more like a sport than a mystical experience. And once Button arrives, you will forget most things about labor & delivery. cliched, but very true.
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