Thrush

Breastfeeding has not been the wonderful bonding experience I had hoped it would be. At first it was hard just because of the sleepless nights and then there was the engorgement when my milk came in. Like most people, this was a painful few days but it should have gotten better from there. But it didn't. In fact it got worse. It got so bad that the thought of having Carson latch on to my breast was enough to bring me to tears (this on top of the exhaustion and the tears of your standard "baby blues"). And up until a week ago I thought maybe I was doing something wrong. After all when I talked to my doctor and even called the lactation consultant from the hospital I was told that a little pain is normal, I just needed to toughen up and make sure that I was positioning Carson correctly.

So I worked harder at getting Carson's "latch on" right and used Lanolin ointment after feedings to help heal my poor cracked nipples, but things didn't improve. It got so bad that I had to stop breastfeeding and resorted to pumping and giving Carson a bottle for all his feedings. I thought if my breasts had a little break, they would heal and I would be able to go back to breastfeeding. But they didn't get better.

I should pause here for a moment and just say that as far as Carson is concerned, everything is great. He is gaining weight and growing like a weed! But for me, breastfeeding was not going so great. In addition to the pain, I felt like I was failing as a mother. (I mean it's just breastfeeding, how hard can it be??) And I was frustrated because nothing seemed to be going how I wanted it to - first the C section and now this (you know me, type A personality, I need a plan and I need things to follow that plan).

Finally last week I scheduled an appointment with a lactation consultant. As it turns out it isn't something Carson and I were doing wrong, but a really bad yeast infection (in his mouth and my milk ducts) that is making the whole thing so painful and keeping my breasts from healing. I've been on an oral anti-fungal medication for a week and finally things seem to be getting better. I'm still not breastfeeding, but assuming Carson won't mind giving up the bottle, I hope to start again soon. He really likes the bottle (he gets his milk fast and doesn't have to work hard to get it) and I'm a little worried that the transition back to breastfeeding after over two weeks of bottle feeding might be tough. I plan to start slow and hopefully he'll go along with it. Guess I'll know soon enough. Wish us luck.